Saturday, May 16, 2009

Productive Day

Some simple things I learned today:
  • John Michael Montgomery's brother IS in the Montgomery-Gentry duo, but he's actually the OTHER guy from who I thought he was.
  • Even make-up games can get rained out.
  • It doesn't matter how much compressed air you use after a haircut, you'll never blow all the tiny pieces of hair off your body.
  • Taking a shower with your watch on feels as awkward as sleeping with your socks on.
  • You NEVER want to run out of chlorine tablets for your septic gray-water.
  • It's okay to take a nap in the middle of the day in the middle of a rhythmic downpour, as long as you're not wearing your socks.
  • Any attributes that qualify you for delivering a graduation keynote address are the same attributes that qualify you for an honorary doctorate degree.
  • It's no fun to follow basketball if your team's out of the playoffs, nor is it fun to watch baseball when your team is the "Bad News" Astros.
  • Some coffee houses DO still understand an order as simple as "Tall Black Coffee."
  • Macaroni and White Cheddar is nowhere near as delicious as regular mac & cheese.
  • Dead bees can still sting.
  • The quality of my golf game is inversely proportional to the amount to time I practice it.
  • The same is true for everyone who is at a driving range on Saturday morning rather than on the links itself.
  • "Barack" moved up 10,126 places last year on the list of "popular boy names." Unfortunately, it is still in 2,409th place.
  • Making homemade toothpicks is a waste of time.
  • A $500 diamond ring can bring a smile to woman's face.
  • Plastic lag screws are a fast, cheap substitute to using Tapcon Masonry screws. By the time the box falls of the exterior of the house, the cable man is long gone.
  • It's best not to try to guess the mysterious liquid accumulated at the bottom of the kitchen trash bin or how it penetrated the "Force Flex" tough Hefty bag.
  • Did I already mention that you NEVER want to let your septic run out of chlorine tabs?
  • Fruit bowls are just a place to hold rotten bananas.
  • Anything you want in life, you can purchase a "Hannah Montana" version of it.
  • Even though the traffic signs say, "Watch for Water on Road," I notice a LOT of don't even try.
  • Sonic Drive-In boasts 168,000 possible drink combinations, one of which is "Large Tea with sweetener in a cup with ice and a lid and a straw."
  • Lifetime warranties on sunglasses don't cover you losing them, 'cause, technically, they're still "alive" somewhere, just not on your face.
  • Taking naps makes you sleepy.
  • Disney character shirts make my look Goofy.
  • Some landscaped commercial areas have crosswalks that lead directly up to them for no apparent reason.
  • Few things are as ephemeral as a clean childrens' playroom.
  • "Pink Panther I" and "Pink Panther II" are some of Steve Martin's best work.
  • Blogging about underwear is less interesting to readers than blogging about my drab, boring "Mathematical Musings."

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