Snake, Snakes, and Horse

Long ago, one Indian tribe, the Chippewa, helped out another tribe that was starving, not for bison, but for a name. As any ad agency will be happy to do today for the uncreative at an exorbitant fee, the kindly Chippewa consultants offered up the name of Nadouesse to the nameless tribe. Granted, the name is not as cool as "Hell's Angels," "Charlie's Angels," or "Chief Charlie and the Charlatans," but, being hard to pronounce, the tribe gratefully accepted. Meaning "snake in the grass," the alternative name of Madousse, meaning "snakes for hair" was a close second choice. In exchange, they offered the Chippewa beaver pelts, smoked bison, and a $100 gift card to the Teepee Depot.

When the French arrived on the scene and fought WITH the Indians (not AGAINST them) in the French and Indian War, they came across MANY, not just one, snakes in the grass, thereby pluralizing the tribes name to "Nadouessesioux." Although very alliterative, the French were not big fans of Native American Literary Device, so they simply began calling the Northern tribe by the plural suffix exclusively. This is how the Sioux tribe became known.

No longer being "snakes in the grass" but now reduced the merely to the sound those snakes make "ssssss," the Sioux began to experiment with living up their name. But what does and "s" do? Many years passed without any real answers to this question, all the while hunting bison, making moccasins, and carving out a living for themselves in the new white man's world. "Stupid French," was often hear around the campsite. "We helped them lose a war, and all we get is a silly new name."

Finally, a tribal leader with some initiative and artistic ability of his own, Chief Willnotstandforthis, decided enough was enough--it was time to adopt a new tribal name. Legend has it that his inspiration came while he was riding his horse through the plains when the horse suddenly died from laughter (apparently the Chief told him the story of the tribe's name.) Rather than stay on the dead horse like a good "s" might do, he decided that his best bet was to DISMOUNT!--Brilliant! As he walked back toward the camp, he thought of a new image and a new name for the tribe. He settled on the trendy but enduring name of "Dakota," which translates to "Does not mean 's'."

Back at the camp, the name was immediately embraced, and is still in use today. Chief Willnotstandforthis even changed his own name to Chief Consultant. Since that time, the story of Chief Willnotstandforthis's/Consultant's epiphany has become legendary, and it's moral has become a timeless lesson in abandoning a bad thing--"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

So have we learned from the lesson of the Nadouesse/Nadouessesioux/Dakota? You would think so, however, in government, education, and the corporate world, more advanced strategies are often employed, in attempts to find creative ways to do anything but DISMOUNT. Here are a few "improvements" to Chief Willnotstandforthis's/Consultant's philosophy:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Giving horse and rider a good flogging.
4. Re-structuring the dead horse's reward scale to contain a performance-related element.
5. Suspending the horse's access to the executive grassy meadow until performance targets are met.
6. Making the horse work late shifts and weekends.
7. Reclaiming a percentage of the horse's past 12 months expenses payments.
8. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
9. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
10. Scheduling a "dead horse productivity improvement" workshop.
11. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
12. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
13. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
14. Outsourcing the management of the dead horse.
15. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
16. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.
17. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
18. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
19. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses. And finally, the highly effective...
20. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Agree to Agree or Disagree--Agreed?

Yesterday I came across a book titled "The Four Agreements," by Toltec shamen Don Miguel Ruiz. In it, he lays a plan for anyone interested in making a change in their life in 4 easy steps--with a money back guarantee* (*there is no actual guarantee to your life changing if you buy his book, or even read it, only a guarantee that Senor Don Miguel will earn money.)

With all the self-help books flooding the market, Senor Don has managed to discuss four steps in 138 pages, an average of 34 and a half pages per "agreement." Having not read the actual book, I have still been able to whittle down the non-essential commentary to a brief explanation of what each one means, with my OWN non-essential commentary.

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

This means "don't BS!" This is very hard for some, impossible for others. At the Korpi house, we say "Say what you mean and mean what you say"--Honest! Seeing as how man developed spoken language out of a fundamental desire to talk about other people, we are pre-wired for gossip. We NEED to trash-talk and put down other so we can feel better about ourselves. Exploiting the truthful foibles of others prevents us from actually facing the truth about ourselves. In fact, when we speak judgmentally of others, we are subconsciously judging something about ourselves that we are afraid to face.

I think Mr. Ruiz's agreement IS something we should all strive for. Personally, before I open my own mouth, I ask myself one question: What would Abe Lincoln say? Will my words improve the silence? Did I leave the iron on at home? (OK, so I ask myself three questions.) If available, I also like to don a top-hat and black high-water pants--but that's another blog. There's a good deal of pressure in creating powerful, deliberate, thoughtful speech. As ol' Abe once powerfully and deliberately quipped, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

This is another one of those things that's much easier said than done. This agreement sounds more like a coping mechanism, a devise for self-preservation, rather than a truism. "Don't take this personally . . . . . but you SUCK!" How many times have I heard that?! Is that just constructive criticism projected onto me for no good reason? Is it really the OTHER guy who really sucks? Do they just DREAM of how bad I am?

I'm not sure I wholeheartedly agree with Ruiz on this one. Anyone of real personal conviction is going to take EVERYTHING personally. Our actions, efforts, and words are so carefully thought out (agreement 1), that we cannot believe anyone could or would find fault with them. It is the conscientiousness of any individual that helps them improve their character. Self-doubt for some is a well-spring of rebirth and renewal, the chance to begin again more effectively. Granted, we do not want to be too thin-skinned, but there are certain things we cannot shirk. Am I not to take it personally when I am fired from a job for poor performance or fail a test for which I did not study? Or should I just say, "they don't appreciate my style," or "my answers were correct, it just that the questions on the test were wrong."

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

This is a good one, lest you make ass of you and me. It is really part two of agreement 1, however. Effectively communicating our desires is an important part of living a gratifying life. When I tell my wife EXACTLY where my back itches, she knows EXACTLY where to scratch. When I find the courage to tell her that I honestly FORGOT to put the lasagna dinner in the oven, I relinquish all her power to hold it against me (not that I'd take her ire personally to begin with--see agreement 2.) As a teacher, if I assume that every student is doing their homework like they are supposed to, reading their chapters prior to the lesson, and getting help at the first signs of struggle, I'm assuming that they haven't read agreement 2. I'm also assuming that every student is a "mini me!"

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Agreement number 2 NOW has meaning. Without agreement 4, agreement 2 is a cop-out. Presupposing that you do your best, your absolute best, then what else could you have possibly done? I mean, "best" is the superlative case. There is no better. So if your best is not good enough (be honest with yourself, was it REALLY your best? see agreement 1), you can't take the results personally. All you can do is to move the "best bar" higher for the future (not that making my "best" piece of toast for the entire family is any consolation to the frozen lasagna sweating on counter.)

So there you have it, 4 simple agreements that, when taken together will transform your life . . . if you agree with them.

Safety First

I take the bus to school almost everyday.

My bus driver is responsible for my safety.

I enjoy talking to my friends on bus.

Before I know it, I arrive at my destination.

But what if something was to go wrong?

What would we do? Would we be prepared?

Emergency Evacuation is not be be taken lightly.

I would like to practice this procedure.

Do I exit the front or the rear?

Do I take my books with me?

Do I close my window before exiting?

What if my seatbelt gets stuck?

Can my seat be used as a personal flotation device?

What if I feel sick to my stomach?

Or have to use the bathroom?

These are things my driver wants me to know.

These are things I need to know.

Today we get our chance to practice an action plan.

The whole class enters alphabetically.

I'd like to practice from my usual seat.

But it is unavailable today.

3-2-1 the countdown ends.

The practice evacuation has begun.

Everyone on the bus tries to stay calm.

The driver correctly applies the parking brake.

We leave our imaginary books and packs behind.

We calmly exit our seats alternating left and right.

Down the isle to the closest exit.

Do pushing, shoving, or running.

I am amazed at how well we are doing.

It feels like a real emergency.

Now it is my turn to exit the rear.

The alarm from the door hurts my ears.

The leap to the ground is farther than I imagined.

Others behind me need out! I must jump.

The reassuring words from the adults around me help.

With courage, I take the leap of faith,

Still with my hands covering my ears.

On the ground, there are hundreds of students.

Safe students who have successfully jumped as I have.

There is a sense of relief as the drama subsides.

There are many hugs of reassurance.

We are safe.

As I stare at the side of the bus, I note its number:

Bus number 58!

"Oh no!" My panic quickly returns.

I ride bus number 72 . . .

No time for sleep

I don't usually like to admit it, but I really do enjoy good restful sleep. The problem is, being an industrious, busy-body type, I see sleep as a necessary luxury, but with too many things to do, I dare not indulge in soporific slumbers, lest I become hedonistic and behind in my work. Last night, however, after returning late from a victorious football game, I was so sleepy, I could sleep with a horse . . . (some analogies aren't transferable.) I hit the pillow with greedy delight.

Yesterday was filled with activities that varied from a math club decorating function, to a family event on the town square, to a 12-hour out of town commitment to our football team. With everything I got done, I was still unable to run, blog, create my Algebra show for this week, grade papers, get to my chiropractor, count to a million, feed my animals, shower, or watch college football. Knowing that I would have to cram most of these things into TODAY's schedule, except college football and perhaps bathing, I knew I would need a good-night's rest. But did I really have time for such selfish toadying?

Knowing that my children would be spending the night at their grandparents meant that my wife and I would have the King-size bed to ourselves (Yes, my 7 year-old son and 4 year-old daughter do occasionally crawl into bed with us. By occasionally, I mean every night they are home.) It also meant that the kids wouldn't be there in the morning to wake us up prematurely . . . . but DANG, then I remembered my Sunday morning tennis session at daybreak. With an understanding tennis partner, I figured I'd play that one by ear. With any luck, I'd dream of a playing great tennis and sleep right through the real tennis.

Well, I was successful at sleeping in through the tennis match, although I can't remember dreaming of anything at all. Having slept in until 8:30am (a near record,) I still only got 6.5 hours of sleep (about average for me), but I DO feel ready to take on the rest of the day, which will include this blog, a Monday Mail newsletter to my students, folding laundry, hanging Christmas lights, setting up inflatable snowmen, a long run, watching NFL football, writing my Algebra show, apologizing to my tennis partner, grading papers, making a house call to my chiropractor, eating lunch with the in-laws, feeding my animals, fighting off the guilt of having slept in until 8:30, and maybe, just maybe even a taking a shower.

It looks like I'm going to need another good-night's rest again tonight.

I already imagine myself dreaming of being kicked in the ribs by little hands of feet, then awaking several times during the night to discover that dreams really do come true!