Friday, December 7, 2007

Say it with original words

Recently, one of the message boards that I read posed a challenge to the teeming millions. The goal was to construct a grammatically correct sentence of ten words or less that has never been spoken, written, or thought of ever before. Ideally, the sentence is something that actually makes sense, otherwise we might as well read the typing monkeys' translations of Shakespeare.


Being verbally creative myself, and having uttered more than my share of original non-sequitur phrases in class that I doubt have ever been said before, my interest was piqued. Here are a couple of the more interesting ones contributed.

  • Marine, I order you to kill that orangutan!
  • Then I took my breakfast: a delicious, sparkling Faberge omlette.
  • Look over there! My appendix has escaped from the elephants!
  • Penguins armed with candy canes assaulted the pediatrician.
  • President Bush, please continue with your theory on linguistic phonetics.
  • Hand me that piano.
  • Misguided editors maneuvered Elvis' magic eight ball.
  • As the starfighters dropped Nerf bombs over Gondor, I hiccuped.Three eyes !", cried the King, as he rotated in joy.
  • God loves me, that's why he made me waterproof.
  • Please, uncle, bequeath me the peppermints and not the Renoir.
  • Give me the chicken or I flood the world, bwah-ha-ha-ha.
  • James Cagney spoke fluent Welsh and had an Economics degree.
  • By Order: No orange pogo sticks on Tuesdays during Lent.
  • The Oscar for Best Actor goes to Pauly Shore.
  • Breathe on me again - I just love your halitosis.
  • No refills on diet mosquito phlegm.
  • Welcome to the Backwoods Society for the Support of Mutli-Cultural Diversity
  • I'm really enjoying this delicious bowl of razorblades and knives, mmmmm.....pointy!
  • DAMN those crypto-Carlist Jacobites with their post-structuralist cabbage fixations!
  • The Bacon Riots of 1863 led to my coronation as the King of Disco.
  • Potvaliant squirrel hunters are the object of my solicitude.
  • The poodle googled google.
  • The elephant lay silent beneath the dandelion, waiting to pounce.
  • When life hands you Life Savers, make Listerine.
Here's what I came up with (math or school related):
  • Keep your money, I've got my math.
  • Don't just throw that homework away, I'll eat it!
  • Now we divide both sides by the variable "Always Eight."
  • What does your calculator tell you about the weather?
  • It's harder to differentiate when both shoes are purple.
  • My favorite writing utensil is a leaded spatula.
  • I once took a journey and forgot my cosine graph.
  • I need to order more white dry erase markers.
  • Please keep talking, I'm trying to teach.
  • How convenient, a self-solving math problem.
  • The calculus cop caught me speeding through my homework.
  • Rational functions think their high in protein, but there not.
  • My dog likes chasing horizontal asymptotes.
And finally,
  • Today is a free day in Mr. Korpi's class.
What can you come up with?

4 comments:

bob s said...

I need to consider charging for my classes. Otherwise everyday in my class is a "free" day.

kwkorpi said...

I've been collecting money at the door for years!

Actually, there is a high price that is paid at the expense of learning when students are granted a "free" day.

Dmac said...

Overheard spoken to a bewildered McCashier: I'd like a diet water and the oriental chicken salad; hold the lettuce please.

kwkorpi said...

I bet diet water will be on the market before you know it.Dehydrated water will soon follow.