Mathematical Musings: Part X

More things I adamantly deny I've ever said in class . . .

• Today, I'm just dripping with anticipation. My salivary glands deserve a raise in pay. I can hardly restrain my bladder. I feel a great math lesson coming on.
• What happens when you have an infinitely large number minus another infinitely large number? Do you think they cancel each other out? Precisely, No. Although they are both infinitely large, one of them could be infinitely larger than the other, so their difference is indeterminable and could be zero, 5, peaches, OR infinity.
• For this problem, we have to use the properties of logs to help us condense the problem. Condensation. Yes sir, like a morning dew. We need a little dew action here. That is, we need a little "do" action here. . . . Get busy guys.
• The more tests we take, the more exams we'll have.
• I'm passing the tests out now, so I want all of y'all to get in the "zone." Stretch your necks, rub your calculators, and do it to it.
• It seems like it was Thursday just a week ago.
• What is the plural of Warm-up? Is it Warm-ups or Warms-up. I know the plural of Mother-in-law is Mothers-in-law, because Mother is the actual noun in the compound noun, but what is the acting noun in Warm-up? Do we have more than one warm? Or do we have several ups?
• Another application of exponential growth is Information Dissemination, or Gossip. Let's say that I found out that Little Johnny actually liked math, once I spread that gossip, it would spread like wildfire, which we all know spreads exponentially. Poor Johnny's reputation doesn't have a chance.
• Korpi: I think that piece of paper stuck to the wall is part of the map of Africa. (Korpi makes African tribal drum sounds.) Do you like my African tribal drum sounds? Student: That was off the wall. Korpi: Yes it was, but then I hung it up, which is how this conversation started.
• Now the logistics curve actually has two Horizontal Asymptotes, the upper one being the Carrying capacity, or in the example of getting the word out to the student body, it is the number of students on campus. Now, theoretically, as time goes on into infinity, more and more people on campus will hear the information, but because of the Horizontal Asymptote, there will always be that ONE person, millions and millions of years from now, walking around cluelessly, with his head in the clouds, who'll never find out, saying, "Whaaaaaaaaaat?"
• Now, I will introduce you to a healthier, lower fat, all natural base: e! Known as the natural base, naturally. It shows up in nature a lot, too. That's why its less filling--it's organic.
• Here's a career opportunity: be the math guy who stands by the mainframe computer, watching the computer calculate the decimals to e, 2.718 . . . Just watch the numbers role in (but know when the computer errs!)
• Now I know computers are inanimate objects, but I think there comes a point in calculating the decimal digits in a non-terminating, non-repeating irrational number where the computer gets so crazy with boredom that it throws itself out the nearest window asking "WHY!?!" on the way down.
  
• OK, let's try to generalize some characteristics of logs, besides the fact that they're made of wood.
• The guys who invented the concept of zero didn't think anything of their feat. In fact, they thought is was nothing.
• OK we've goofed around enough today. We need to get started on the lesson. We're already like the guy who goes in to have liposuction on his rear end: we're getting a little behind.
• Now unlike the worthless S.O.B. Formula, which is totally useless, the C.O.B. formula is tremendously useful. It is the Change of Base formula, or, if you're from Ireland, the Change O' Base formula.
• Where besides in the woods or a fireplace have y'all come in counter with logs? Christmas? Yes, I suppose the Yule log would work. Where would Christmas be without logarithms to get us in that Yuletide spirit?
• You can either use log base 10 or log base e with the change of base formula. Your calculator can handle either of these. So which one should you use? Well, if you want to be like me, might I suggest the Natural log, base e. If you don't want to be like me, might I still suggest the Natural log, base e.
• The following problems are all going to be similar and different. Does that make sense? I mean, had I said, "the following problems are going to be identical or congruent, but different," that might be confusing. But things can be very similar yet extremely different: identical twin triangles, for example.
• Korpi to a male student: Is "So and So" your sister? I didn't even make the connection. Oh, you're twins too? Identical or fraternal?
• Exponents and Logs are inverses operations of each other, like multiplication and division, addition and subtraction, sine and . . . refusing to sign?
• I don't mind if people steal my material, as long as they give me credit for it. But who would want to steal my material, besides thieves?
• Pain is fleeting. Pain is ephemeral. It doesn't last very long. It only hurts for a little while.--Tate Korpi, Age 2.67 years, at the coaching of his father (holding a belt)
• Shoot! I've erased my reminder. Remind me to write a reminder later to remind myself to write down the thing I was trying to remember to do, cause I'll forget.
• Of course my son is goofy, too. Where do you think I get it from?
• The only way I will allow you to use your calculators on the test is if you tape it to the bottom of your foot, and you take the test standing only on the calculator foot. To add to the feat, not feet, you must remove the batteries first.
• So if we trace along the curve, we can see the amount of trace element that is left, however, this is not always the case, only in this trace case.
• Wouldn't it be neat if they had a field event that was similar to pole vaulting, where you have to jump over a horizontal stick, but instead of using a pole, you would have to use your own feet to determine how high you could jump. They could call it the poleless vault, or the foot vault, or the "how high can you jump without a stick" vault, or something clever like that.
• I learned that the majority of the people in this world are people I haven't met, nor would I ever want to.
• Someone needs to make a song about the accomplishments of the Budweiser everyday guy who writes songs about the overlooked accomplishments of everyday guys.
• Wake up Mr. Jones, unless you are dreaming about math, then it's OK, but in that case, it could have been a nightmare, like some of assignments you turn in. Please go back to sleep.
• Indeed, I write much more eloquently than I speak. The spoken and the written language are very similar, but yet so far apart. For instance, the spoken word is much easier to hear.
• Sometimes when I'm writing and I want to use a big word where a diminutive word would be amply sufficient, I increase the font size of the diminutive word to only make it appear bigger.
• I won't tell you how old I am. Let's just say, if they were truly "birthdays," I would have 34 bellybuttons, in which case . . .
• I think there is something inherently majestic about watching eagles and horse running wild together in the wilderness. I think it is un-inherently majestic to put crowns on their heads just to watch them struggle to shake them off.
• The time in takes for the bell to ring is inversely proportional to the distance between the door and the pack of students waiting by it for the bell to ring.
• No calculators on the test. Save your batteries for Spring Break.
• On number 7 on the test, I want you to give me an exact number, not just a log expression, like, "Man he's so lazy he's just a bump on a log."
• I'm not going to tell you until after the test that you are going to be able to do test corrections or that I'll curve your grades.
• This first thing you need to do when trying to graph exponential and logarithmic equations is to ask yourself, "Self, is it exponential or logarithmic?"
• To determine if an equation is exponential or logarithmic, look to see if it has the word "log" in it. If it does, it isn't exponential. Try the other option!
• When taking a test, alway remember the advice of Kenny Rogers' Gambler: you got to know when to walk away, and know when to run. But don't do either until you've simplified all of your answers.
• Sometimes it seems like my life is like the troll who says you need a pass to cross the bridge, then tells you that you get them at the booth on the other side of the bridge.
• Anything to the zero-th power is one, except zero of course, because it's not anything at all: it's undefined. But, that is not to say that nothing to the zero-th power is undefined, because it isn't.
• To me Spring Break is nothing more than what the caveman said when he jumped on the mattress too hard.
• 'Enthused' is not a word. You mean 'enthusiastic!' If you were actually enthusiastic enough, you wouldn't need to abbreviate it!
• Here are some common isotopes and their respective half-lives. There's Carbon-14, Plutonium, Uranium, Einsteinium, and this one that I've never heard of before: does anyone "Nobelium?"
• OK, that problem wasn't so bad. Let's do that thing on a cow where you get milk from--Let's do an udder (another.)
• Let's take this expanded logarithmic expression this morning and dew a little condensation with it.