What the wife REALLY wants this Valentine's Day

There's love in the air.
It's that time of year
For roses and chocolates
And Valentine cheer

From little heart candies
That say "Please Be Mine"
To a card, and some dinner
With a bottle of wine.

But those things are typical
Ordinary and bland
So this year I've got something
Much bigger planned.

It will be so romantic
That it might be scary.
Not frightful or ghoulish
But a horror contrary.

I'll put music on low,
Some good 'Mericana
Then take a hot shower,
Even though I don't wanna.

After washing myself,
In between all my toes,
I'll shock my dear wife
By washing some clothes.

I'll clean all the bathrooms,
Including the sink.
I'll throw out the food
In the fridge that now stinks.

I'll rake all the leaves.
Trim back the Crepe Myrtles.
I'll compost her garden
To make it more fertile.

I'll detail her car
And make the kid's lunches,
Work on the love handles
By doing some crunches.

I'll balance the checkbook
And file all the bills.
I'll check the kids' homework,
Give them meds if they're ill.

Then I'll vacuum and mop.
I'll put away dishes,
And dust 'round the house,
Fulfill all her wishes.

'Cause there's nothing more sexy
Or loving or sweet
Than a freshly-clean husband
Who sweeps his wife off her feet.