Mathematical Musings: Part I

Through the years, in my attempts to illustrate my points in the classroom, I have reportedly said some oxymoronic things and some pretty plain moronic things. Many are malapropisms, pleonasms, and tautologies. Here is a collection of the latter type of quips, quotes, and quarks that students have collected or tried to forget that I have allegedly said in the classroom. I neither confirm nor deny saying these things.

• When I can't think of how to express myself personally, I often quote myself instead.
• I can guarantee that you might not understand this.
• OOPS! Tall Carper! (after stumbling and nearly falling while moving around up at the chalkboard.)
  
• I’m coming to you live, not prerecorded!
• MMMMMM. That was a good lunch, but I digest
• The good news is, we can treat each term separately. The bad news . . . well, there is no bad news . . . So that’s just more good news.
• I love to eat lint in the morning with my coffee. It gives me a warm-fuzzy feeling.
• (While writing on the chalkboard) your problem on your paper should look exactly like this . . . except much smaller.
• Don’t erase. Don’t erase. You haven’t made a mistake. You have just discovered a method that successfully will not work.
• The main difference between the TI-83 and the TI-83 +, is that the 83+ has more RAM, so it plays game much faster.
• There’s a first time for everything. Believe it or not, this is the first time I’ve made a mistake on this problem today, in this class. You all are witnessing a historical event. Come back next time for another.
• So I was driving down the road and I glanced at my derivativeometer . . .
• Remember, just because a function is peculiar, doesn’t mean it’s odd.
• The method is called logarithmic differentiation. Once you master it, you can refer to it affectionately simply as Log Diff.
• We call the family of basic functions from which we can obtain others through transformations, Mother Functions. Not all functions are Mother Functions, though some can be a booger.
• Any student who wishes to solve the Riemann Hypothesis will receive a $1million prize from the Clay Institute and 5 bonus points on a test from me.
• I wouldn’t doubt it if they came on the intercom and just said, “Teachers and students, please pardon this interruption.”
• Don’t mistake my sense of the ridiculous for ridiculous sense.
• What I meant to emphasize when turning in your test corrections was to make sure your problems are CORRECT!
• We will be having a pop-quiz next time in class.
• So the answer is 5x . . . “you forgot the square,” quickly chimed a student . . . squared. You didn’t let me finish.
• How many of you have ever seen or not seen a record player?
• Let’s verify this Identity with a number, any number, say 5.621752189617613694768147654664 . . .
• This assignment is due Wednesday, a week from today. Be sure to start it by the weekend, or at least by next Wednesday morning.
• Growing up, I was kind of fickle. My favorite number was x.
• OK, let’s say there’s a drag race, and when I say drag race, I don’t mean two guys wearing tutus and running shoes.
• It’s not like Fermat gasped the words with his final breath, “I believe that for integer values of n larger that two, the sum of two non-zero integers raised to the nth power cannot be expressed as a single non-zero integer raised to the same power.” (On Fermat’s last theorem)
• The main thing to remember when taking this test is to read the directions carefully, don’t rely to heavily on your calculator, show all your work, round to 3 decimals, simplify radicals and fractions when appropriate, leave no negative exponents, and, oh yah, get the right answers.
• Raise your hand if you’re not here. (taking attendance)
• There is an isomorphism between the words synonym and isomorphism, but they are not synonymous.
• Is the inverse also a function? Does it pass the vertical dry-erase marker test?
• It’s kind of oxymoronic that radical notation is actually more conservative that rational exponential notation.