Effluent Affluence

I just saw an interesting segment on the Today show on NBC. The segment was interesting enough to draw my attention from my daily ritual of counting misspellings in our local newspaper. It featured three homes that were currently on the market. A privileged reporter was given full access to the three sprawling properties, giving viewers at home a peek that both made your stomach turn in disgust in the ostentatious opulence, and your heart pine out of jealousy for that kind of pad. I even found myself saying reflexively at the end of the segment, "I'd take the first house!"

So what WAS the first house? It's called "Tranquility," and at $100,000,000 (that's one-hundred MILLION dollars), it is only the THIRD most expensive listing in the US (after two properties that Donald Trump is trying to unload at $125 and $135 million), but the most expensive in the segment. The seller is a co-founder of the Tommy-Hilfiger corporation, which would explain why the exterior is covered in plaid, not really, but that would give a buyer some negotiating power, don't you think? Anyway, the property's main residence is 25,000 square foot residence nestled on 210 pristine acres, although I doubt whether something that behemoth can nestle at all, in America's playground: Lake Tahoe.

The house features its own fully-stocked private lake, conservatory, library crafted after the one in NYC, an elaborate staircase modeled after the Titanic's (minus the water damage), and boat house, stable, movie theater with seating for 20, an over sized basketball gymnasium, indoor (and oh yes, outdoor) swimming pools, garage space for 17 cars, and multiple views of Lake Tahoe and all the little people down below.

There are a total of 8 outbuildings on the property, totaling an additional 30,000 square feet, giving the new owner PLENTY of room for a riding lawnmower. Sprinkled around the property throughout the densely forested lawn is a guest house, several caretakers residences, and art studio that resembles more of large museum. I believe I even saw a 400 square foot dog house.

Can you imagine living in a house that size?!! "Honey, let's take a vacation." "OK, where do you want to go?" "I was thinking of traveling to the Northeast wing of the house. We haven't been there in a while, and I know how much the kids love it there." "Speaking of the kids. . . . have you seen them? Last time I saw them, they were in Area 3, Sector 5, of the Superfluous wing."

The only downside to the property in my opinion, which would be the ONLY reason I might decline the property if it was given to me, is that it doesn't have a fully-furnished workshop, and that's pretty high on my checklist of things to consider when accepting free multi-multi-million dollars estates. Speaking of free. I don't think I could even afford a place like that for free. Imagine what the property taxes and the electrical bills would total! I doubt my would-be salary at nearby "Lake Tahoe High School" would be sufficient enough to pay for the operations of living. Then there's the salaries of all the people to stay in the caretakers' quarters. Maintenance and upkeep is a full-time job for several people. I think I could cut some corners on the cooking staff, but I'd definitely have to pay someone to dust. I would be so stressed out just trying to keep the utilities company from turning off the water and lights that I'd have to rename the property "Bedlam." Yep, I think it would be best if I just stay put on my humble two-acre estate with my coveted wood shop.

So who buys such properties? The show stated that the exorbitant price tag is even out of reach for Hollywood's movie stars, who can only afford homes in the low to mid millions. So if it's not high school math teachers or sliver screen celebrities, who in America has the resources to purchase a place like that? The real-estate corporation handling the transaction said that prospective buyers could come from Europe, the Middle East or Asia. They already have an up on the property, as they've already shown the property to one of the top 5 billionaires the world. Although they did not give his name, they did say that he was dissatisfied with the plaid carpet.