Off on A Tangent

Last night, the seniors held their first annual Theme Dinner as a fund raiser for a project they have been working on the last 11 + years: Project Graduation. Groups of seniors banded together and dressed up in a common group theme, invited their parents, favorite teachers, and rich businessmen to sit at a large table, where the students, in full costume, served their patrons delicious barbecue and unsweetened tea.

Being a fund raiser, there were many opportunities to empty your wallet, beginning with the $15 ticket that was required upon acceptance of the invitation. There was also a silent auction (which I, not surprisingly, did not know anything about) and "unicorn bucks" that could be purchased at a 1:1 exchange rate for US greenbacks and used at ongoing tips to the student servers. There were also opportunities to buy $10 chances to win $100, and a large bowl for random donations for those individuals who just wanted to give without the sport.

Being invited as a member of the "favorite teacher" category listed above, I came without any cash or loose coins. All I had to give was my sparkling conversation and charming wit, but that didn't win any auction items. I figured that as long as most people around me were giving, I'd be OK just riding out the value of my pre-paid $15 ticket, and mooch off the good-times atmosphere.

Our table was in honor of 5 young girls whose theme was the "Spice Girls." Spooky, Baby, Sporty, Ginger, and Posh did a great job of playing the parts and keeping the tea glasses filled. In fact they were so convincing, that if they didn't get a record deal based on their looks, that any local restaurant would give them a contract for waiting tables.

Aside from dinner and chatter, the entertainment of the night featured Karaoke and dramatic enactments based on students' various themes. Kicking off the Karaoke, which is very hard to perform or listen to without the aid of intoxicating spirits, were our very own Spice girls. Going first is a very daunting task, especially sober, but our girls pulled it off like they had been practicing for at least two days. They sang the words perfectly in sync and even added a little attitude, flair, and some dance moves to boot. They received a nice roar and applause upon leaving the stage.

The singing went downhill from there. There was a mumbled, out-of-key version of a beloved country song, an awkward, monotonic version of a classic rock song, and an almost mute version of song from the 50s. The perceptive DJ was pretty quick to pull the plug on the song after the first verse or two, after which a raucous applause always followed. To whom we were actually applauding, I will let you guess.

There were, however, some bright spots on the stage. A delightful young female sang a song from the upcoming school musical, and large group of "lumberjacks" acted out a song from "The Police," strumming their axes as if they were, well, axes. The most outrageous group of the night were a very proud, confident group of Luchadors, dressed in full tight tights, no shirt, a cape, and a wrestling mask. They sung a very unsuspecting version of "The Lion Sleeps tonight" complete with falsetto riffs that were made easier to sing because of their aforementioned tight tights--an unforgettable image.

All during the evening, members from our table were encouraging me and a couple of other "favorite teachers" to sing a song. They used our lack of contributions to the other financial vehicles during the evening as leverage against our consciences. Apparently, If non-student members from a table sang a song, points/dollars accumulated for that table would be doubled!! What a great way to contribute after all, we thought. Their pressuring worked.

As the final Karaoke act, Mr. Wenzel, Mr. Woolbert, and I climbed the stage, took the microphones in hand an proceeded to bring the house down with our rendition of Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" (click here for video.) I don't think anyone suspected that we were closet rappers or that we would actually know the words and associated dance moves--including US, ourselves! Our intention was to get in a single verse and one chorus, then they'd pull the plug, and we'd be back at our tables within a couple of minutes. As it turned out, we were apparently doing such a great job that they let the song run on and on and on and on and on. The three and and half minute song seemed to go on forever. Everyone was certainly getting their money worth that night!

At the end of the night, everyone had a good time, the rich businessmen bought all the items in the silent auction, and the teachers went back home to their humble homes to grade papers and practice their secret talents.