Mathematical Musings: Part III

• Just because you think math sucks, doesn’t mean I don’t expect you to like it.
• If I were you, I’d want to be me.
• You may take out some scratch paper for the test, if you get the itch.
• Disregard what the other 3 classes have said about the test being hard. Don’t believe the hype. You cannot judge what you have not experienced first hand. After you have taken it, then tell me how impossibly hard it was.
• Is the test easy? Of course it’s easy, if you know the material.
• Unless you just like taking a loaded revolver, pointing it at your shoe, and pulling the trigger, DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!
• That used to be one of the textbooks at this school a loooooooong time ago. I still use it everyday. It supports my wobbly desk leg.
• “What is that you’re using to tie your door open with.” “It’s an old computer mouse for an old Mac. I’m a firm believer in recycling technology.”
• “May I use your computer, Mr. Korpi?” “Only if you use it in the proper manner for which it was designed.”
• Who knows the answer? (long silence) You can’t all talk at once or I won’t be able to make out what anyone is saying.
• So what’s the derivative of secant? Good, secant tangent, whoever didn’t say that.
• Yes, I broke my ankle running into my garage in the rain trying to keep your assignments dry. Once I hit the slick concrete, I slipped, felt a loud pop, and the papers went flying . . . into the dry garage . . . mission accomplished.
• "Sir, tell us about 'Little Korpi'.” “OK, he’s my son, and not so big.”
• Wow, I haven’t done that since the last time.
• “Can we have a free day today?” “Funny you should ask. When I got up this morning, I thought to myself, ‘Today I think I’ll collect 5 dollars from every student.’
• If you don’t understand it, you need to learn it better.
• Have you ever noticed that the things you have accomplished and been most proud of are the things that you really strived for, almost struggled, yet overcome? It is the intense labor, the making of mistakes, and the harnessing of the energy of frustration that make your success oh so sweet. You are going to have plenty of opportunities to develop a love of math this year.
• I’ve seen better hair on a mop.
• The fact that we agree that we are mutually exclusive gives us some common ground on which we actually intersect.
• Student:“You listen to the some of the strangest things.” Korpi “You should hear what I read.”
• “Do we have to do our homework tonight?” “Of course not, turn in it a day later. I’ll only take of 30 points for being late. Life is FULL of choices."
• Put those chips away. You’re taking a test. I don’t like students who Cheetos on tests.
• Unless I count off twice for the same mistake, I won’t double Whammy you on the test.
• I just heard that the square root of two is holding many innocent numbers hostage. Police are describing him as an irrational radical who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. They are bringing in the expert negotiator square root of 4 to try and talk him out. He is described a kindred soul to the kidnapper, a radical himself, but a cool rational man. If all goes well, the numbers will be released.
• Careful not to slip and fall on your asymptote.
• Last year for Halloween, I dressed up as a Roman orator who spoke on the subjects of math. My name was Relative Maximus.
• This problem is not so bad, except for its multiple parts. Part I) and II) are pretty easy compared to part Aiyy yiyy, yiyy (III.)
• We go Calculus caroling every year, and we are Bad, so Bad, and we get worse every year. We are so popular that every teacher wants us to come by for a song or two.
• Look, class. I finally got a trash can today, and not just one but two! Please resume your wasteful habits.
• Nothing shapes a submissive personality like hundreds of pushups at 3 in the morning.
• I hope you have a restful weekend full of vigorous activity.
• Please take out a piece of sheet.
• TTOTLIFTST “tootle-fist” is something very very important that they teach you in teacher school. I believe a professor earned his Ph.D. developing this. It is an acronym for “The object of the lesson is for the student to :” It is really one of the greatest time-saving devices of all time.
• Sure you can work in pairs on the test. You can share answers and the final grade.
• Instead of paying me $100 for an 100 on the test, I’ll compromise with you: $50 for a 50.
• Tonight’s assignment will be very short, but much wider than usual.
• You should be able to fit all your answers and work on the test, if you write very, very small.
• “phfffffffftht!” That’s the sound of a vertical asymptote.
• (On returning a test) I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that you are going to be able to do test corrections! The bad news is that we have to do test corrections to begin with.
• When doing these triangle problems, I want you to draw a picture first. Like this. Here’s a tree, the sun, and of course Mr. Right triangle ABC.
• Longitude lines or Meridians are called Great Circles, not only because the all have the same circumference and pass through the poles, but also because they are just FABULOUS.
• So if I was standing at the center of the earth, I would be very, very hot, and the angle of my eyesight back to the surface would be the angle of elevation.
• ME: So if I was running for public office and wanted to pull a publicity stunt by walking around the 29.7^th North Parallel, starting and stopping in my living room, I would have to walk almost 21 thousand miles. At a pace of 5 miles per hour, this would take me 4191 hours or 174.6 non-stop days. Resting in between legs, it might take me a full year to travel the 20958 miles. STUDENT: Wouldn’t the election be over by then? ME: Yes, which is why you need to pick your publicity stunts very carefully.