Mathematical Musings: Part VI

More things I've allegedly said in class.

• Every discipline you enter into has its own challenges. Going into medicine is not necessarily more difficult than going into mathematics. There were several times I wished that I was just memorizing all the nerves in the human body, rather than prove a particular theorem.
• The whole idea of assigning writing journals, yah, that was a bad idea. It looks good on paper, but because of the paperwork generated . . . yah, bad idea.
• We found out we were having a girl: the first girl in four grandchildren. I told my wife that she was going to have really long arms being tugged on between the sets of grandparents.
• We found out it is a girl, so starting today, I’m saving for the wedding . . . and a sawed-off shotgun.
• Having a girl isn’t so bad at all. She’ll just have to get used to wearing her older brother’s hand-me-downs.
• Having a girl is actually ideal. I’m looking forward to choosing a son-in-law someday.
• I think we decided on the first name of Jenna. It’s the middle name we’re still contemplating. We want it to be in honor of a family member: Jenna Wayne, Jenna Lynn, Jenna Rose, Jenna Elaine, Jenna Leslie, Jenna Valeska, Jenna Dora, or Jenna Oma. We like the last one; her initials would be J.O.K. We are expecting her to be a great athlete.
• One grows fat when one’s intake exceeds one’s expenditure. One grows financially thin when one's expenditures exceed ones intake. One cannot expect to be healthfully fit by allowing the two to balance each other: over consuming and over spending. All this achieves is being fat broke.
• When we are looking for the absolute extrema on a closed interval, we can think of it as playing the “BIGGEST AND SMALLEST y-VALUE” contest, where the contestants are going to be the two endpoints, and any critical values in the interval. The winners get the title, the losers get some nice parting gifts, like a broken toaster.
• Keep it straight in you head and always bear in mind that Headings and Bearings are the same thing, unless you’re referring to compositions and axles.
• Be quiet and listen. I’m standing right next to him, and I can barely hear him!
• 37.652 is my favorite value of x.
• Student: “Mr. Korpi, I didn’t do my take home test.” Korpi: “That’s pretty dumb. You’d better have a good excuse!” Student: “I’m getting married tomorrow, and I have just been a nervous wreck getting ready for it.” Korpi: “Fine, but you better bring it to me as soon as you get back from your honeymoon!”
• Q: “Do you know why when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, the V is longer on one side than the other?” “Does it have anything to do with the sheer winds or anything?” “No, it’s because there are more geese on one side.”
• And so we put the x all by itself on this side of the equation, although he is not alone, since he’s squared, there are really two of them, so he’s really there, with himself, keeping himself company. (on setting up the law of cosines)
• So it doesn’t really matter which angle A, B, or C we find first. Let’s just do it in random alphabetical order . . . starting with C.
• Student: “Mr. Korpi, there’s an error on the assignment sheet. The assignment due today had 12 problems. You wrote 11 down.” Korpi: “Thank you, you are so correct. Give yourself 0.4 points for that one, then round.”
• So let’s say I’m on the beach sunbathing, and I get the inkling to measure the distance between two oil rigs out in the seascape. I pull out my handy-dandy angle-measuring device, which I always keep handy while sunbathing, and take some measurements. I only need to take two angle readings from two separate points along the beach. I must also know the distance between these two points, say 2000 seashells long, mostly broken seashells. Using the Law of Sines and Cosines, I can determine the distance between the two without having to swim way out there with a huge waterproof tape measure, and, most importantly, I can get back to my sunbathing.
• I heard that the tanning salons now offer a service where you stand in front of a paint machine and it blasts you with golden paint. That can’t be good for you, especially when it must be done weekly, and that’s if you don’t bathe. At least the paint on my house is guaranteed for 20 years.
• When experiencing my personality, you cannot fully appreciate or be properly effected by it by brief intense exposure to it. Much like sunbathing, in order to keep from reacting adversely to it, you need to experience it small daily doses. Under these circumstances, I provide a healthy glow to other people’s lives, rather than a painful, nasty burn.
• The only thing mathematical about the math club this year is how membership has multiplied from last year. (from 14 to 64, as people joined just to socialize and eat food.)
• Student: “Does Little Korpi play trumpet, too?” Korpi: “Heaven’s No! He’s not even 2 and a half years old. He’s barely got the piano and guitar down.”
• Korpi is listening to “Crazy little thing called love” by Queen. A student says, “Man, you’re old, Mr. Korpi.” Korpi quickly replies, “Let me guess. You prefer Dwight Yoakum’s version.” Student assumes look of befuddlement and bewilderment.
• Did you think these variables here were just to decorate the equation?
• Be on the lookout for irrelevant information in the problem such as the sexual preference of the pilot of the plane that isn’t even mentioned.
• I feel like I’m looking at the penguin exhibit at Sea World. (Gliding across the floor, leaning on the roller cart. Students very quiet and sitting very still, room is very cold.)
• If you finish making your Golden Ratio rectangles, measure your faces and see if you and Liz Hurley have something in common.
• Student: “Why is everybody wearing College shirts today?” Korpi: “Well, because it’s college day. But that’s OK, we can tell you’re an Aggie without a maroon shirt.”
• I heard next Friday is “wear your pajamas to school” day. I hope the people who sleep in the nude are sick that day so the rest of us won’t be.
• If you have physics, you’ve probably done this calculation in class. If you don’t have physics, you probably haven’t done this in physics class.
• One thing I can tell you about the conference I attended was, even though it really sucked and the presenter was boring, I still stayed quiet and appeared to be listening as he spoke. It is the obligation of a student.
• So let’s say we’re trying to move this piano. We tie two ropes to the foot pedal and the two of us pull at different angles and forces. The resultant force and direction will be the diagonal of the parallelogram, which means we know exactly where the piano is going; it can hit a target, which I guess is pretty important in piano bowling.
• You can’t say, “Just because I drew it like a right triangle, it must be so."
• We use implicit differentiation when we either cannot solve explicitly for y, it is too difficult to solve for y, or we’re just too plain lazy.
• The case of SSA is called the Ambiguous case, or something like that.
• Someday I’m going to invent a new and improved fly swatter.
• Brady, please wake up! Every time you lay your head down on your desk, a little piece inside of me dies.
• The official name of this course, as far as the state of Texas goes is, “Independent study in mathematics,” although we call it Calculus. I’m terribly sorry I have been depriving you of your independence to learn it on your own. If I get fired, it will be for teaching in a class where I’m not supposed to.
• And so, if we were to jump off the building and calculate or speed, we would yell as we leapt, “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.” (the bell to go to lunch chimes in).
• You! You are tardy, and I need to talk to you about all the classes you have missed this six weeks. Please stay after class. S: I can’t, I have to leave early to take a friend to a doctor’s appointment! K: So, either you don’t come at all, but when you do, you come late and leave early. Let me simply state it then: YOU’RE A BEHIND!!! Did I say "A?"
• We call this theorem the Mean Value Theorem because it deals with average values and because he is quite a bully.
• In response to a playful question at the end of a difficult test involving the rate of change of a deflating balloon, “What color is the balloon?”—Student: The color of the balloon symbolizes my feelings towards this test—ASS BROWN.
• Here’s looking at Euclid.
• The Calculus Cop’s job is to enforce the law of Cosines.
• The other day I looked in the mirror. I sure look funny with my eyes closed.
• Why yes Principal F. , the Math Club IS having a raffle. Would you like to buy a ticket? First prize is a dozen dead AAA batteries from our calculators. Second prize is a handful of dried-up dry erase markers which we generate daily!
• Someday I’m going to write an Autobiography, if I can authorize it.
• Please remind me to remind you to tell me when I have forgotten to mention something I should have remembered to tell you about.