Mathematical Musings: Part VII

More of what I have (purportedly) said in class (these are funny ones):

• S: Mr. Korpi, if I have Cosine of blah, blah, blah, over Cosine of blah, blah, blah, can I cancel them out? K: Not unless it’s the same blah, blah, blah.
• Whew, all that running wore me out. We either need to do that more often, or less often, preferably less often.
• My favorite website is any old Haunted House: lots of spiders.
• OK, it is called the ambiguous case because there are three cases, meaning number of triangles. Let’s number the cases. One is zero, two is one, and three is two. You got that?
• So after the plane switches his heading from 180 to 225, he is flying Southwest: the direction, not the airline.
• So in the right Right triangle, Sine of A equals h over c. In the left Left triangle . . . no wait, that doesn’t work. In the left Right triangle . . .
• QUIET! My mouth is very, very close to my ear. See? But, I can’t even hear myself talk.
• If you sit in the back of the room, the numbers on the board in the front of the room probably look smaller to you. So a nine probably looks more like a six.
• Here are all the formulas for areas of triangles you need to memorize. You will have to know all of them for the test, however, you will only have to use one of them. So, you really don’t have to memorize all of them, just one. You figure out which one.
• S: Mr. Korpi, I made my poster bigger than a quarter size. I couldn’t fit all the information on just a quarter size. Is that OK? K: Sure it is. You used half a poster board, but that’s nothing more than a quarter size of one that was originally twice as big. I never specified the original size of poster board of which a quarter should be taken. Most people assume standard size, which is the only kind.
• Some people see the number 2304 and think, “Hmm, that’s two thousand three hundred and four.” I see it and say, “Hello forty-eight squared!”
• That was a fabulous tune (Baby Elephant Walk) from the late, great Henry Mancini. Now back to the Law of Cosines.
• I think I’m rather quotable, but don’t quote me on that.
• I like how the tiles are made to look like real terrazzo, but each 12 by 12 tile is laid with the terrazzo grain perpendicular to the next, thus completing the obvious fact that it is fake.
• As little as your study patients see Doctor H, they probably wonder if he even really exists. I think we should open our own practice with under an assumed practitioner’s name, something catchy that will bring the patients in, but they’d never see him. Something like Dr. Bon Jovi.
• We’re going to find area here. Does anyone have an exotic unit of measure we can use? The perch? OK. Then the final unit will be purchases? Squared? I guess if you’re a fisherman, the unit of perch is directly related to the number of witnesses.
• Have y’all ever been to Sam’s? It’s dangerous. You go in there not needing anything, then three hundred dollars later you get out of there going, “Dang! That sure is a lot of mayonnaise.”
• There’s a joke about a turkey in there somewhere that I’m not even gonna touch, not that it would be funny or anything.
• Come on, listen to me now. I’m cereal.
• So here’s our equation. With a little algebraic finagling, we can get it in the form we want.
• Let’s say a pair of calculus cops are set up together to catch speeders, one at point A, the other 5 miles down the road at point B. You know, like Roscoe P. Coltrain and Cletus trying to catch them Duke Boys, ‘Kyuuu-Kyuuu.’
• The commutative and associative properties of multiplication allow you to play a kind of shell game with the factors.
• You have two options for this class period: you can either work on the review, or if you don’t want to, you can fake it, and pretend that you are working on the review so convincingly that I cannot tell the difference.
• There’s about four minutes left in class, maybe a little less, maybe a little more, but around four.
• The insane are a good case to study, because they are committed.
• Semi means half; half a circle is a semicircle, half a perimeter is the semiperimeter, and half of a 36 wheeler is a semi.
• Is everyone all squared away on area, then?
• If you’re here, that means you’re back from vacation.
• Another day, another dime, another difference made.
• Subtraction makes all the difference when you’re adding two things.
• It’s just that nose sniffling, phlegm hocking, snot slurping time of year.
• Today’s the day you get the chance to show off your acquired precalculus knowledge. After grading the other classes tests, there has been quite a bit of showing off, even some trash-talking and victory dances.
• I seemed to have lost that information somewhere between gray mater and cyberspace.
• Let’s have a little fraction action.
• At the end of a proof, you can write Q.E.D., which is Latin for Quid Erat Demonstratum (that which has been demonstrated), or “Dorothy’s Dog” (es todo = it’s Toto.)
• Even though I’m telling you that you cannot distribute the cosine to each of the two angles, I have full faith and confidence that many of you will still do it at some point. I really believe in each of you.
• Here’s a pre-class disclaimer. I’m high on antihistamines. Please disregard anything that I say that is surreal or doesn’t make sense, unlike usual.
• When we multiply by 180 over pi, we get rid of the pi’s, which never is a problem at my house at Thanksgiving.
• Being able to find exact trig values is very, very important, for instance if you were trapped in the dessert doing precal without your calculator!
• Math club members, come decorate the Landa Professional building Saturday at 9:00 sharp. Be there or the fourth root of b to the eighth.
• Mrs. Jones, I don’t think your son is overwhelmed with the material, nor do I think he is underwhelmed, as you have alluded to. I do believe that he suffers from a chronic, full-blown case of the Lazys.
• Everybody please come to the next math club meeting ready to have fun. I guarantee we’re going to have a sphere.
• Unless you are going into a very technical field, you probably won’t use the specific information obtained from earning your college degree. Your degree, then, becomes a symbol to prospective employers that allows them to say, “Here is a person in collegiate caliber. He/she must be capable of enduring a bunch of crap. That’s the kind of person we need to hire.”
• The last class they were exhausted after the last lecture. Imagine how I felt, and I have to give it 3 more times.
• You must take turns when speaking out. I can’t understand a thing any of you say when you all speak at once. (to a quiet class, too timid to speak)
• Whoever didn’t just speak, I’m sorry, you’ll have to repeat yourself. I couldn’t hear you over the deafening roar of all the others who weren’t screaming out.
• The test is two pages, front and back. Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. You won’t run out of Calculus.
• Korpi: What’s that awful smell? Student: Math! Korpi: I wonder if they make that scent in a candle, then. I could put them all over my house and get you one for your house!
• You don’t need your calculator for the fractions on the quiz, quit whining. The fractions are small anyway. If you think they’re too big, write smaller, but no calculator.
• This semester I have three goals for you all. First, I want each of you to have a renewed and enthusiastic rigorous love of learning. Secondly, well I don’t want to tell you that one, and thirdly, I want you to figure out what the second goal is.