Perfect Timing

Do you know the feeling of being in Vegas, walking up to a roulette wheel, putting a hundred-dollar bill on "black 13" on the roulette wheel, then being told that no cash can be placed as a bet, only chips, then as you're walking away to purchase you $100 chip, the wheel spins behind your back and lands on "black 13?"

You don't?! Well neither do I!! (I'm a mathematician, so I know the odds. I'd be at the Blackjack table counting cards, or in the bathroom flushing my money down the commode.) How about this . . .

You've been waiting to audition for American Idol, then get laryngitis right before you're audition if front of "who cares," "whoever," and Simon Cowell.

Or

You're in the job interview of a lifetime and sneeze all over the interviewer (while you "cut one" from the massive pressure release.)

Or

You've been training for your first marathon, and you come down with a massive cold days before the big race.

CRAP!!, WHAT PERFECT TIMING?!?

Although I've never bet more than a nickel at a time in Vegas, I've never sang for Simon Cowell and two other insignificants, and I've never blown snot on a prospective employer, I HAVE experience with the last scenario. In fact, it describes my current situation.

As if my Asthma, no ACL in my right knee, deteriorating cartilage in my left knee, crooked spine, constant headache from a pinched nerve in my neck, flat feet, and high blood pressure weren't enough things to overcome in my first 26.2 mile race, now I've got to additionally fight through a stuffy head, clogged sinus, achy body, and my desire to nothing else but warm myself beneath multiple comforters on a soft bed. Combine that with the projected weather conditions of "mid 40's with 35% chance of showers," and you've got a situation that even a glutton for punishment would make the comment, "No thanks!" Needless to say, I'm both looking forward to the big race on Sunday, and . . . . . . MONDAY!! (or even Sunday afternoon.)

With the race starting at 7:00am in Austin, Texas, I've got to drive 50 miles that morning just to get to the city in which the race (which I actually PAID $100 to run int) takes place. In the past, because of the gridlock caused by the thousands of crazy racers like me, racers have been know to run 2 to 3 miles from the closest parking space to the start of the race. Just what I need: a 5k race as a "warm up" for a full marathon. . . . in a city with LOTS of hills . . . when I feel like. . . . I'm not at my best.

Oh well, after spending they money, I'm too frugal (my wife would substitute "cheap") to NOT run the race. Besides . . . . you get a FREE T-shirt just for running, and who doesn't love a free t-shirt? So, if you want to wish me luck, I can use it. Just don't say "break a leg," 'cause that's not only the wrong context, but I'd run the damn race even WITH a broken leg, and with the mucous I'm currently spitting up, with only one good leg, I'd be likely to slip and break the other leg. That would be SOME accomplishment.

Excuse me now, while a go knock on wood (I hope I don't get a splinter.)