Productive Day

Some simple things I learned today:

• John Michael Montgomery's brother IS in the Montgomery-Gentry duo, but he's actually the OTHER guy from who I thought he was.
• Even make-up games can get rained out.
  
• It doesn't matter how much compressed air you use after a haircut, you'll never blow all the tiny pieces of hair off your body.
  
• Taking a shower with your watch on feels as awkward as sleeping with your socks on.
• You NEVER want to run out of chlorine tablets for your septic gray-water.
• It's okay to take a nap in the middle of the day in the middle of a rhythmic downpour, as long as you're not wearing your socks.
• Any attributes that qualify you for delivering a graduation keynote address are the same attributes that qualify you for an honorary doctorate degree.
• It's no fun to follow basketball if your team's out of the playoffs, nor is it fun to watch baseball when your team is the "Bad News" Astros.
• Some coffee houses DO still understand an order as simple as "Tall Black Coffee."
• Macaroni and White Cheddar is nowhere near as delicious as regular mac & cheese.
• Dead bees can still sting.
• The quality of my golf game is inversely proportional to the amount to time I practice it.
• The same is true for everyone who is at a driving range on Saturday morning rather than on the links itself.
• "Barack" moved up 10,126 places last year on the list of "popular boy names." Unfortunately, it is still in 2,409th place.
• Making homemade toothpicks is a waste of time.
• A $500 diamond ring can bring a smile to woman's face.
• Plastic lag screws are a fast, cheap substitute to using Tapcon Masonry screws. By the time the box falls of the exterior of the house, the cable man is long gone.
• It's best not to try to guess the mysterious liquid accumulated at the bottom of the kitchen trash bin or how it penetrated the "Force Flex" tough Hefty bag.
• Did I already mention that you NEVER want to let your septic run out of chlorine tabs?
• Fruit bowls are just a place to hold rotten bananas.
• Anything you want in life, you can purchase a "Hannah Montana" version of it.
• Even though the traffic signs say, "Watch for Water on Road," I notice a LOT of don't even try.
• Sonic Drive-In boasts 168,000 possible drink combinations, one of which is "Large Tea with sweetener in a cup with ice and a lid and a straw."
• Lifetime warranties on sunglasses don't cover you losing them, 'cause, technically, they're still "alive" somewhere, just not on your face.
• Taking naps makes you sleepy.
• Disney character shirts make my look Goofy.
• Some landscaped commercial areas have crosswalks that lead directly up to them for no apparent reason.
• Few things are as ephemeral as a clean childrens' playroom.
• "Pink Panther I" and "Pink Panther II" are some of Steve Martin's best work.
• Blogging about underwear is less interesting to readers than blogging about my drab, boring "Mathematical Musings."