Juicy Stories

Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to get them the perfect gift for Christmas? I have too! I'm not very good at keeping secrets, and I tend to be proud of my thoughtful gift-giving, so it's very hard for me to have to wait until Christmas Day for my loved one to discover her perfect gift and to rediscover how wonderful I am. But I always muster the will power, and believe me, it is always worth the wait.

My son is apparently a chip off the old block when it comes to thoughtfulness and keeping secrets. Last week, my father-in-law had his birthday. He had been wanting a new juicer to replace his old one whose motor burned up. Knowing this, my son (and daughter and wife and I) decided to get him a new one for his birthday. Having purchased the gift several weeks in advance, we now had the challenging task of "sitting" on our secret. We even coached my son on keeping the gift a secret from his "Poppy." But as any coach knows, you can't simulate "game play" in practice. Apparently, we were not specific enough in all the different situations and scenarios where a new juicer would naturally (or unnaturally) come up.

The very next time we saw my in-laws, my son ran up to his grandfather, whose birthday was still several days away, and said, "Poppy, if you go to the store, don't buy a new juicer! Okay!" Days later, "Poppy" acted legitimately surprised when opening his juicer, and showed true appreciation of the thoughtfulness of the gift and the enthusiasm of his grandson's desire to give him a special gift. They spent the rest of the afternoon making apple juice, carrot juice, tomato juice, potato juice, squash juice, . . . together. It was a pretty special moment.

Anyway, not all stories turn out like that. I was just reading a story about a wife who got a special gift for her newlywed husband and had it waiting under the Christmas tree for him for that special day. Apparently, the husband saw it and anticipated it being something he couldn't resist or wait for. After his wife was asleep, he sneaked into his own living room shortly after midnight last Tuesday and began to open the gift. The wife, who perhaps got up immediately afterward for a midnight snack, went by the kitchen and grabbed a knife, then proceeded to the living room where she discovered he husband with his unwrapped gift--before Christmas Day!!!!!!!!!!!

This was unacceptable to her, a breach of their marriage vows, an act that required immediate action. Did she reprimand him? Wrap the gift back up? Ask him how he liked it? No. . . . she stabbed him in the chest with her knife. As he sat there holding his special gift in one hand and his own blood in the other, she then accused him of having an affair with another woman, then said his socks didn't match, and that she wished he would shave!

The stabbing over the gift was a bit much, but taken with the other infractions, the stabbing was . . . . still an act of a crazy woman!! She was later arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery, misdemeanor domestic battery, and hysteria. The husband was treated and released from the local hospital, where he raced home to play with his new Radio Controlled car . . . . several days before Christmas. At least his wife wasn't there to stab him again for playing with it inside the house.

So, may you get what you want this Christmas, and may you're stories be more like the story of the juicer and not the dicer.