The Return

Who am I? Where have I been? What have I been doing? These are more than just the questions I ask myself after having sat through 2 hours of "American Idol" results shows, they are questions others are asking of me after having no new blog entries for over a month.

In the grand scheme of things, a month is just a blip on the existential calendar.

Apparently, my readership was larger than I ever anticipated, as I have been inundated with 3rd-party inquiries, informal polls, and hear-say speculations about the lack of my spewing of cyber-babble. Many have had to forgo their morning ritual of coffee, newspaper, hygiene, and "Off On A Tangent," simply because they ran out of coffee. Many more have had their daily routine disrupted because of my self-indulgent cessation and abnegation of the sharing of my daily diary entries with the denizens of the World Wide Web.

My goodness. What A God-Awful month it must have been for all of you. While I was basking in the luxury of my new-found freedom, spending the extra hour each day to do things like grade papers, make kids' lunches (infrequently as it was), cleaning bathrooms (even less infrequently), watching "American Idol" (gotta make the wife happy!), painting baseboards (what a Spring Break THAT was!), and painting my toenails (flat, extra clear color), the members of my Blogosphere were fumbling through their days like vapid zombies deprived of their caffeine.

At first, I didn't think my absence from the Internet was even noticed. I mean, even at my school, my paid place of employment, if I don't show up for three or four days in a row, the students start to complain to the principal out of "math deprivation." A couple days later, they mail a letter home. Later, then send a certified letter. Eventually, a phone call. The key is . . . they notice . . . and they act, they let me know . . . eventually. With me sleeping in on the extremely non-lucrative blog position within my own blogging fortune sqrt(-500) company ("Korpi's Blogging Emporium and non-Emporium items Emporium"), no letters came. No phone calls. Not even the passive, anonymous e-mail. I figured that my daily diatribes were for my benefit only, the energy of which could equipollently be released and expressed through other means like "Extreme Yoga (more to come on that tomorrow, yes, tomorrow. I'm committed for two days now)," my fledgling "Fresh Farm Egg" business (up to 15 dozen eggs given away for free so far!), or my newfound preoccupation with Etymology (a word that has origin:1350–1400; ME < class="ital-inline">etymologia < class="ital-inline">etymología, equiv. to etymológ(os) studying the true meanings and values of words (étymo(s) true (see "ETYMON") + lógos word, reason).

So to those of you out there reading this as if it were a drop of fresh water upon upon the thirsty lips of a weary desert traveler, I offer you a temporary oasis. To have built up such a dependency among you only to give it up for Lent was such an act of unforgivable self-centerdness. Truth be told, I have felt an irreplaceable void from my absence, and my typing speed has atrophied as well (down to only 200 WPM from 300 WPM--where WPM = "words per moment"--where a "moment" constitutes an undeterminable, ambiguous amount of time.)

Enjoy ye dwellers of cyber-drivel. I shall return.

Hasta Mañana (if my Yoga-X coach let's me)!