Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tips for Earthy Living

Happy Birthday, Earth. Happy Earth Day everyone else!

Today's the one day a year where we "celebrate" this great, improbable terrestrial ball and all of its life, resources, beauty, and diversity. Or at least SOME people celebrate it. With eco-friendly practices pervading American, if not Global, consciousness lately, "Going Green" has become the latest fad. Capitalism, wasting no chance to exploit this new mindset, has pandered to the the people willing to spend lots of green to go green. In fact, it is not cheap to be so conservation-minded.

For instance, we have to pay extra for rural recycling service where we live, so I don't buy it. Instead, I take my recyclables to my in-laws once a week to be included in their service. At the grocery store, we take our own handsomely-designed and sturdily-constructed green shopping bags, made from, of course, recycled materials. Those bags weren't as "free" as the complimentary plastic and paper bags we used to take our groceries home in.

But really, whatever the motivation, this new "fad" of sensitivity and awareness has one beneficiary--posterity. Our Earth, although remarkable resilient, is not totally resistant to the careless, selfish, detrimental practices of it's current inhabitants. We owe it to our children, grandchildren, future generations of homosapiens, robots, cute little fluffy kitty cats, and Mother Earth herself to live as if we were only renting borrowing our space here on this planet, in much the same way we take care of a rental car good friend's hammer newborn baby.

So what can you do today to celebrate this "artificial" holiday? Hopefully, your actions today will only jump start a new way of thinking, and a new way of everyday living.

In case you're looking for some ideas, here are some:
  • Install composting toilets in all bathrooms of your house except the ones you actually use
  • Boil your OWN water
  • Turn off all the lights in your house when not in use, unless they're already not in use
  • Brush your teeth using organic banking soda and distilled vodka water from the Earth, not the bottle faucet
  • Wash you clothes in cold water once a month instead of hot water each week, unless you want to keep your job
  • Remove all spray tips from your cans of aerosol paint and hide them in small lock box made from recycled porcelain toilets
  • Keep your batteries (AA, AAA, C, D, 9-volt, etc.) in the refrigerator AT ALL TIMES. This will prolong their life until it is time to take them to a disposal facility that specializes in used battery disposal for a large fee
  • Carry a large plant around with you wherever you go to help convert your carbon dioxide pollution into oxygen more readily
  • Conserve oxygen and talk less
  • Ride your bike instead of driving your car. When possible, ride your bike downhill only.
  • Have your HVAC system service by a licensed professional who drives a "Smart Car" and uses only "Earth Friendly" freon
  • Place a cup under any leaky faucet and generously spread the accumulated water over your lawn at 3:00 in the morning.
  • Unplug all your clocks when you're not interested in what time it is. They hoard energy!
  • By a small windmill and set it up in a breezy area, this should help dissipate heat and dangerous greenhouse gases
And finally, the best advice I can give you involves using the toilets you actually use . . .
  • If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow.
Happy Earth Day everyone!


LC said...

Let's make Earth Day a national holiday. I could always use another day off.

Brenda said...

This reminded me of my host mom - she's NUTS about the earth. I have to unplug most of my room appliances before I leave the house, turn lights and fans when not using them, reuse bags, put organic trash in a different container to use as fertilizer, etc etc...

I like LC's comment. In Argentina we could have "National Theres-a-hole-in-the-ozone Day."