Monday, April 27, 2009

Sham Wow, Slam Pow

A giant big mess has been made
that cannot be cleaned up by a maid
and not paper towels
or even Shamwows
can turn these lemons to lemonade.

"So what's the big mess?" you inquire
Well it involves a female for hire.
And a famous pitch person
in a situation that worsened
When she failed to put out his fire

It appears that the pitchman got randy
After absorbing a bucket of brandy
So he picked up a hooker
(he's not much of a looker)
And retreated to feast on his candy.

In their room it soon was hardcore
As the hour approached that of 4.
They were chopping and slicing
and cutting and dicing
Then the Shamwow guy gave a roar.

As he slipped her the tongue she did plea
"Please keep that gross thing out of me!"
She bit down so fierce
His tongue she did pierce
So he punched her to get himself free.

With a slap and a chop to her face
There was blood all over the place
there were lots of wet tears
and a couple spilled beers
Leaving them both in disgrace.

Arrested and booked into jail
Vince "Offer" Shlomi soon posted bail
and asked himself "How
he can now sell Shamwow?"
In light of this messy detail.

Now that he's committed his crime
And tarnished his image with grime
his next big manuever
should be to sell spot remover
If he's ever got another chance to shine


SK said...

What a bizarre story. And, nice hospital gown in the mug shot. Classy.

bob s said...

Wow my great American hero has fallen from his pedestal(just kidding). By the way those sham-wow's work pretty well although not as well as the commercial may lead you to believe.